In the past year I have realized something about myself. I am a people pleaser.
Is there anyone out there who has this same problem? Where in my high school and college days I was much better at having a "whatever" mentality (especially if you ever watched me coach a basketball game in my early 20s, I really didn't care what you thought of me...or how bad I hurt your feelings), in my recent years I have tended to be a little too aware of everything.
Now I don't say this as a good thing. I am not asking you to be ultra nice to me because I really care about your feelings. I don't even like the phrase "people pleaser" because it can almost be twisted into a positive.
Because lets just call it what is....sin. Big fat sin.
I want to be transparent with this problem because I think it is something that is easy to unknowingly struggle with. It can disguise itself as caring. It can masquerade as being sensitive. This may come as a shock to many that know me ( Im a big talker), but those that are close to me have seen me toss and turn over the littlest mistake, stress over a conversation where I swear I've upset someone.
And I hate it. Just know, if you ever are really mad at me, take comfort in knowing I'm somewhere tossing and turning, miserably over-analyzing our conversation. ;)
But the Bible says this "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for man. " Colossians 3:23
Over analyzing conversations because someone might have taken something you said the wrong way. Upset that perhaps doing the right thing may offend someone else. Worried your blessing may tick someone else off. OH. WELL.
I am getting better at saying these words...oh well. When I truly nail it down for what it is, a sin, it is much easier to rationalize from God's perspective and not my own. All of a sudden instead of thoughts like "crap, are they mad?" I hear my heart saying "well if they are my true friend they know me, and know my heart and my intentions."
If you are like me, and have found yourself struggling with similar anxious thoughts from time to time, find peace in knowing God covers us. He wraps us in His strong protective arms and shields us from all the stupid, "foot in mouth", "that came out wrong" stuff that litters our lives. And at the end of the day...the people that love us, will still love us. And isn't that all that matters?
